Ah-wow. Sitting in front of my blog on my MacBook is a nice, familiar feeling. Not that I haven’t revisited my blog since my last post. I have glimpsed at it through my PC-but the feeling I got from that wasn’t inviting. Now, however, as I sit here with the old device I had used to create little ol’ Cultivating “Happy” and my already existing posts, I am enticed to write again.
Hard to believe that it’s been past a year since my last post. Fingers on the keyboard, I am taken back to the moments when I was actively posting and the memories still feel as fresh as yesterday.
It’s interesting to me-how I feel in observation of these memories. How attached I feel… But it’s even more interesting to read my posts and put them into context of time and recall that many of the posts I wrote happened while I was internally dying.
My relationship at the time had taken me so far from myself that who I really was was practically dead. Except I suppose, when I was able to get away or express some of that light here in this space. It’s amusing to feel that my voice managed to feel light and happy in my posts. But of course, eventually, with the freedom to express myself here, those joyous tones were easily lost and replaced by honest sadness. My last two posts were certainly dark and lonely. One is still here now, but the other has been removed and I wonder if anyone would still recall.
I was in such a bad place…
Anyway, back to now though. I am feeling much better.
Aha! MUCH BETTER (Phew. I say this with real relief), and I think I might start writing on WordPress again. But this time-just to write. Just to be.
This time, I don’t really wanna be hung up on trying to “brand” myself and all the other things they say you should do when you’re blogging.
Yes. I know that if that’s the case I could really just write to myself in a little notebook or word doc (and I have been, in my absence), but in visiting this old space I’m curious to see how differently my voice and my writing might develop if continuously expressed through a medium that is a bit more public. And I am always attracted to blogging.
I did think if I returned to it I would start all over on a new domain, however. But for some reason it feels “more right” to start from where I left-off.
So, I guess, here’s to a new beginning! I am starting again!
“She wrote not for any audience, but strictly for herself-that is, for the clarity of her own understanding.”